YOU MIGHT BE A RED HATTER IF…
Started by Beverly Gorman, Queen of the Shrewd Hatters of Shrewsbury, Shrewsbury, PA and many others and put together by Queen Mary of the Red Hats on Wheels, Hayward/San Leandro, CA. Taken from the Queen's Chat Room for the Red Hat Society – 2007 - with additions as they come.
You might be a red hatter if…
You are fifty or older and having the time of your life.
The only color you see in the store is red or purple.
You own a feather boa that would make Mae West jealous.
You dress more outrageously now than when you were in your teens & twenties.
You have two types of clothes, purple clothes and red clothes.
You have more sequins & rhinestones than a Liberace costume.
You don't think there can ever be too many feathers on a hat.
You use your husband's or your own sports trophies as hat stands.
If you know who Sue Ellen Cooper and Jenny Joseph are.
You watch the old movies just to see different styles of hats.
You stalk nursing homes and resale shops looking for vintage hats.
You've been to three tea parties, and you only drink coffee.
You have more girlfriends now than you did when you were in school.
Your family asks you if you are REALLY going to wear that in public?
You stop to talk to another woman or group of ladies because they are wearing red hats.
You always claimed to hate hats, but now you own lots of hats.
You wonder why you didn't have all this fun years ago.
You finally remembered what it is like to have fun, laugh and act silly.
You no longer dread getting old, because you have lots of friends to get there with.
You've discovered the greatest sisterhood for women.
You can laugh at life.
You can play a kazoo.
People stop and talk to you and ask you what the red hat society is all about.
You got all excited that Cats was coming to your town, then realized that it wasn't a typo.
You have underpants OLDER than your doctor.
Everything in your shopping cart is for FAST relief.
You have gone from a 34B to a 48Extra long…
That gorgeous hunk offers to pay for lunch for you and your "gang."
The neighboring picnickers get hit with watermelon seeds you've spit.
People know you by some silly moniker like: Bat-in-the-Hat.
If you gaze at your Bible with its red leather cover and want to find a purple cross to go on it.
If you've noticed you only buy toothpaste that's red and use it with your purple toothbrush.
Red and purple feathers start showing up in the dog's poop.
If you can't remember anyone's REAL name…
…If you look for red or purple bras now to replace your white or beige ones and proudly could care less if your bra straps showing.
…if people spot you at Target or wherever trying lampshades on your head. (You need to get the right sized one for the perfect lampshade hat, you know!)
…if you can't remember the year when your Menopause started or ended, but vividly remember when you and other hatters went to see the creative funny play Menopause.
…You have taken over one of the spare bedrooms to hold all your hats, shoes, and outfits!
…You have learned to dye the perfect shade of purple (2 purples & 1 Royal Blue).
…when you and your best friend get together the first hour is spent talking about the events you are going to and what to take.
You find an adorable outfit and ask the salesperson if it comes in purple?
8/14/07 - ADD ONS
YOU MIGHT BE A RED HATTER IF
...you've decided dessert FIRST is just RIGHT!
...If you have suddenly realized you're in one of the world's biggest gangs. (Gangs wear colors, do the same things, have secret names, etc.)
...if you have decided it's time to ride on a float and throw candy to your adoring public!
...if you find wherever you go you no longer are ignored or invisible.
...if you have learned that the party doesn't come to you; you have to go to the party!
Queen Mary Atkins
RED HATS ON WHEELS
San Leandro/Hayward, CA